218 Quotes by Robert Orben

I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.

The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?

Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.