218 Quotes by Robert Orben

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.

I’d like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education – show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.

It’s amazing how important your job is when you want the day off – and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year’s Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I’m down to mine and it hasn’t.

Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

It’s an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in seven years.

There are days when it takes all you’ve got just to keep up with the losers.

Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!