218 Quotes by Robert Orben

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it ‘arm around the shoulder’ humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It’s mean, mean stuff.

New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn’t for muggings there wouldn’t be any contact at all!

I value people with a conscience. It’s like a beeper from God.

Realists know where they’re going. Dreamers have already been there.

Don’t smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We’re all on the road to the grave – but there’s no need to be in the passing lane.

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, “Guess Who?” She’s a divorce lawyer.

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn’t like it there’s no faking it.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it’s all going, then get ahead of it.

Washington is a place where politicians don’t know which way is up and taxes don’t know which way is down.