218 Quotes by Robert Orben

You wouldn’t want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.

Live your life so that if someone says ‘Be yourself’ it’s good advice.

I’d be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn’t run again. To us it’s a second term. To him it’s a double feature.

For Father’s Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It’s appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It’s a bonding influence.

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there’s never one around.

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That’s why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it’s filled with wisdom. Sometimes it’s filled with feet.

They’re combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don’t want triplets.