218 Quotes by Robert Orben

These fellas have so much authority; so much poise; so much dignity— it makes you almost proud to have their fingerprints on your seat covers!

Behind every kid who completes four years of college there stand two parents who are also graduating—magna cum bankrupt.

I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled "Louder!" during the silent meditation.

The flu season is when you start off in the morning with a light heart and end up in the evening with a heavy nose.

In our house the only thing that gets recycled is the flu.

You know what really shakes you up during the flu season? When you tell the doctor your symptoms and he starts backing away.

Do your kids a favor-don't have any.

This is the season when you're faced with the problem: What do you say to the person who has everything— and he's breathing on you?

Older people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.