218 Quotes by Robert Orben

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.