569 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

People seldom live up to their baby pictures.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.