569 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came back my catch phrase was "nothing goes right." Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.