569 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

I can't get no respect.

If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.