569 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

I don't get no respect

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.