321 Quotes by Roseanne Barr

I used to play Barbies with my Mormon neighbor friend; it was always, "Oh, we're going to go on a date. Ken's taking us out, and we're going with Ken on a date." And I was like, "We're parachuting behind enemy lines to save the Jews." That's how I played Barbies. I was told when I was a girl that every Jewish woman has to have five children to replace three fifths of our people that were killed. That's how I was raised.

I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.

My husband says, 'God, Roseanne, I can't remember the last time we had sex.' Well, I can, and that is why we ain't doing it.

Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.

A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either?

My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.