116 Quotes by Russell Howard

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head’s showing and gone ‘Philip, look at me! I’m a stamp!’

What’s the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!

Unlikely things to see in a Valentine’s card – “I may be dyslexic but that doesn’t mean I don’t vole you.”

Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?

Music’s the best thing we do as humans, isn’t it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don’t understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor’s wife staring at a storm.

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

I’ve never said flange to a monkey!

If I was to get into Twitter I'd expose myself to people who adore me or people who absolutely hated me. Neither of those are useful to my soul.

The British Museum is great for seeing how excellent we were at stealing things.