79 Quotes by Samantha Bee

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

I was brought up to question things, but I was always a really quiet and shy child.

Everybody is agreeing so tersely. I just had a flashback to the month before my parents finally admitted they were getting a divorce.

Christmas: It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.

If you get mad about how your voice sounds when it comes out of your own mouth, it's not really my fault. Go ahead and be yourself.

It's weird how you can make people feel comfortable, and then ask them an uncomfortable question, but it doesn't ruin their day.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

Nobody wants to have things blurted at them.

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.