79 Quotes by Samantha Bee

And since I was basically being raised by senior citizens at the time, my physical activity was limited to driving around the park to look at the trees, driving to the lake to look at the lake, and driving to the mall to look at coats that were “car length.” My.

It’s not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.

It was only a few years ago that I couldn’t get hired to save my life.

I don’t think the show would be funny to you if you didn’t already have a base of information.

I can agree in principle that it’s the thought that counts when giving or getting gifts, but I would also like to point out that “if there’s no thought... it doesn’t count.” I don’t wish to be reminded that you didn’t want to take the time to get to know me, or perhaps you have even known me my whole life and simply don’t care about me. All I ask is that you not rub my face in it.

I think NASCAR’s coming to Canada now so it’ll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid.

When you’re presented with an opportunity, if you don’t act out of pure passion and pure authenticity, you’re squandering it.