93 Quotes by Sarah Millican

My husband and I don’t have children. We can’t have children because we hate them.

People were laughing at me anyway, so I thought I might as well start charging them.

My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.

For someone who is rarely on time, my body clock always knows when it's too early to go to bed and I just lie there in the dark like I'm hiding.

We all need a big cushiony telly show to fall back on. Like the pair of slippers after you unexpectedly went Christmas shopping in your work shoes. Like the cup of tea when your deadlines are making you cry. Like the hug off someone who matters when it's cold and you wanted to look nice, not warm.

Our little cat comes for a snuggle, then the big cat mews for a stroke and moves a few paces, then another stroke, then another few paces, until we realise he has mewed us into the kitchen where their food bowls are. So they eat, we eat, and then we get on with our days.

Sorry, I love the internet. Since I got my cats, I don't look at clips so much. Like a teenage boy with a real live girlfriend. But I am always sucked into clips of unlikely animal friendships.

I don't worry about a zombie apocalypse. Mainly because it's unlikely, but also because I think I'd be pretty good in that type of emergency.

When I was a kid, I had a friend who went on holiday to the same place every year and I never understood why. My ten-year-old eyes always wanted new things to look at - new branches of WH Smiths to look for Sweet Valley High books in, and different campsites or self-catering cottages to explore.