93 Quotes by Sarah Millican

An audience not laughing is nothing when your husband's just told you he doesn't love you any more.

Phillip Schofield has always been my primary crush. Sure, I danced in front of the telly when Shakin' Stevens was on Top of the Pops, but that was because my rudimentary grasp of how telly works made this five-year-old think she could be seen by him. So that was less love, more showing off.

My natural way is when I'm live; I'm like that in natural conversation as well, a bit filthy.

Forgive me but I've been tutted at in Paris a fair few times and I still don't know if it's because I was wearing Asda jeans or had the temerity to order food in a restaurant.

There are few things I like more than to see old people twinkling. A shopping centre I frequent has Tea Dance Tuesdays and I regularly pop by to see the over- 60s twirling about to a live band.

My entire book was typed with three fingers and a very confident space-bar thumb.

I only started driving lessons because of comedy - before that, there's be no need. There was a bus from where I lived to where I worked and I had a very obliging, mobile sister.

I'm a huge fan of 'Glee'. Every episode I watch makes me that much happier, and I think it should be obligatory for all people to watch it. I just love the joy!

Being a comedian is harder if you can't drive. You can't take last-minute gigs as easily, because the on-the-day train ticket is your whole fee, if not more. Getting a lift off someone you've never met is normal, but still odd.