564 Quotes by Scott Adams

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.

Tyler Phillips will also get more carries this week. He has made some big chunks of yards this season when given the chance.

The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.

I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.

Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.

We are not thinking about two games right now. We are focusing on Cordova this week. We have to go there and that is a tough place to go. They are a vastly improved team from last season. But we won't back down from the challenge.

You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as "nutty methods." Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time.

I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.