100 Quotes by Sean Evans

It's not easy to embarrass the University of Arkansas. The place is basically a truck stop with a quad.

As a general rule, girls at the gym are not interested in a free power clean lesson from some doofus in a form-fitting Under Armour ensemble.

Preparing America's student loan crippled grads to enter a hopeless and crowded job market is no easy task, which is why we should show more love to our nation's professors.

Attempting to squash your permeating stench of a loser by bum rushing every girl you come across is a bad look.

When I'm a little kid watching Chicago Bears games, hot salsa would be on the table and the first time I was like, 'Ah, this is hot Dad, get mild salsa,' and he was like: 'Not in my house. We have real salsa. And if you can't handle real salsa then you can just eat dry chips.'

Fraternities are bizarre because, as a pledge, some clown who wears Hollister & Co. flip-flops exclusively will make you clean his toilet with a toothbrush.

Women who are paid to look hot get hit on all the time, so don't roll up on a restaurant hostess with your non-iron Trump Collection shirt and expect anything to pop off.

When humiliation begets heartbreak, your clothing permeates with a stench of desperation that only women can smell.

Bjorn Borg has the look of a Scandanavian rock star with the understated charm of a Wes Anderson movie.