767 Quotes by Stephen Colbert

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday.. no matter what happened Tuesday.

Use the word 'zeitgeist' as often as possible. Ideally, you want to find words that sound familiar but people don't really know their definitions: 'zeitgeist,' 'bildungsroman,' 'doppelganger' - better yet, anything Latin. But avoid 'paradigm.' It's so 1994. If you say the word 'paradigm,' everybody knows you're a poser.

Football is American; why are the Romans numering our bowls?!

We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

We are thrilled that Jon Batiste is joining 'The Late Show' family of products. For my money, nobody plays like Jon Batiste. And you can trust me, because it is my money.

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.

I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."