10 Quotes by Steven Colbert

I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.