846 Quotes by Steven Wright
- Author Steven Wright
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
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- Author Steven Wright
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How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
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I'm addicted to placebos.
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There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
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I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
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I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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