846 Quotes by Steven Wright
- Author Steven Wright
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I just found out I have an IQ of 208, and I don't know what that means.
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- Author Steven Wright
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear.
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When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?
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If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.
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What is another name for a Thesaurus?
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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- Author Steven Wright
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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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