3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.

First draft: let it run. Turn all the knobs up to 11. Second draft: hell. Cut it down and cut it into shape. Third draft: comb its nose and blow its hair. I usually find that most of the book will have handed itself to me on that first draft.

EVIL IN GENERAL, does not sleep, and therefore doesn't see why anyone else should. Crowley likes sleep, it was one of the pleasures of the world. Especially after a heavy meal. He'd slept right through most of the nineteenth century, for example. Not because he needed to, simply because he enjoyed it.

Oh, in my younger days I spent some time in Uberwald," said the Patrician. "In those days rich young men from Ankh-Morpork used to go on what we called the Grand Sneer, visiting far-flung countries and cities in order to see at first hand how inferior they were. Or so it seemed, at any rate.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

The money in the chorus isn’t very good, is it?!” she said.“No.” It was less than you’d get for scrubbing floors. The reason was that, when you advertised a dirty floor, hundreds of hopefuls didn’t turn up.

I just rearrange words into a pleasing order for money.

High magic requires a great clarity of thought, you see, and women's talents do not lie in that direction. Their brains tend to overheat.

And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think. So who is "me"?