3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

What is a university for if it isn't to tell you that everything you think you know is wrong?

But do we teach? As such?" "Of course, if no alternative presents itself," said the Dean. "We show 'em where the library is, give 'em a few chats and graduate the survivors.

We're living in science fiction, but we don't realize it.

How did you do that?' said Esk.'Ah' said Granny, 'Wouldn't you like to know?''Yes. I would. That's why I asked, Granny,' said Esk, severely.

Esk glared down defiantly. Granny glared up sternly. Their wills clanged like cymbals and the air between them thickened. But Granny had spent a lifetime bending recalcitrant creatures to her bidding and, while Esk was a surprisingly strong opponent, it was obvious that she would give in before the end of the paragraph.

Mr. False! No, don't start grabbing the chickens! Better off farmer with no chickens than a load of chickens with no farmer! Anyway, they'll probably float, or fly, or something!

THIS YOU WILL READ, he said.Cyril peered myopically at the 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do' in heavy gothic script. Somewhere in his tiny mad chicken mind a very distinct and chilly understanding formed that he'd better learn to read very, very quickly.

One of the hardest lessons in young Sam's life had been finding out that the people in charge weren't in charge. It had been finding out that governments were not, on the whole, staffed by people who had a grip, and that plans were what people made instead of thinking.

Anyway, I’m a bit worried about the screw. It was invented to move water along, not move along on water.’ ‘You mean it’s confused?’ said Simony. ‘Screwed up,’ said Didactylos happily.