80 Quotes by Tim Heidecker

Have you ever wondered how to commit human sacrifice and destroy all the evidence while having a delicious meal all at the same time? It’s called cannibalism and all it means is eating another human being. It’s not that hard.

Your concerns are natural. But write down your doubts in the doubt worksheet (not provided).

Nothing impresses the ladies like a clean, pressed pair of khakis and a large pattern shirt featuring either classic cars, mojitos or men playing golf.

My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom's very silly, and that side of the family is very musical.

There is nothing funny about a well-adjusted, intelligent person making the right choices.

There's a generation of people I think without a strong connection to family, to religion, to civic duty. They have a real disassociation from the problems of the world.

The idea that everyone's opinion is valuable is sometimes up for question.

Sometimes laughing isn't the best judge of what's funny, 'cause I think there's a lot of things that are really funny that don't make you laugh, that don't make you physically, audibly make a noise, but is something that is much more powerful than that.

Online piracy needs to be dealt with itself, because people are just wholesale stealing people's work and not paying for it. It's very hard to figure out a way to fix it.