113 Quotes by Tim Vine

I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’

I went into a shop and I said, “Can someone sell me a kettle.” The bloke said “Kenwood” I said, “Where is he?”

I love acting, but it’s all just a bonus.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said ‘It depends where you’re calling from.’

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn’t know what to make of it.

My house is a bit like a teenager’s bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I’ve got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.

I’m not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that’s the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I’m not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.