183 Quotes by Tom Lehrer

Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o' Later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic, Not to mention other adjec- Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

Things are much more complicated. Feminism versus pornography, for example. There are a lot of feminists who think it is bad, but others think it's good. I have become, you might call it mature - I would call it senile - and I can see both sides. But you can't write a satirical song with 'but on the other hand' in it, or 'however'. It's got to be one-sided.

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.

We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares.

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery.