330 Quotes by W. C. Fields

It’s quite true I’m not drinking anymore; however, I’m not drinking any less either.

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.

You can’t cheat an honest man.

Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.

You can fool some of the people some of the time – and that’s enough to make a decent living.

I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck.

If I ever found a church that didn’t believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.