105 Quotes by Will Cuppy

Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don’t have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.

Whales are silly once every two years. The young are called short-heads or baby blimps. Many whale romances begin in Baffin’s bay and end in Procter and Gamble’s factory, Staten Island.

Whenever a kangaroo puts his paws on your shoulder and gives you a big grin, that is the time to leave.

Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home. There’s always something.

Unfortunately, this world is full of people who are ready to think the worst when they see a man sneaking out of the wrong bedroom in the middle of the night.

In some respects, Nero was ahead of his time. He boiled his drinking water to remove the impurities and cooled it with unsanitary ice to put them back in. He renamed the month of April after himself, calling it Neroneus, but the idea never caught on because April is not Neroneus and there is no use pretending that it is. During his reign of fourteen years, the outlying provinces are said to have prospered. They were farther away.