1,171 Quotes by Will Rogers

But we can't alibi all our ills by just knocking the old banker. First he loaned the money, then the people all at once wanted it back, and he didn't have it. Now he's got it again, and is afraid to loan it, so the poor devil don't know what to do.

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you

It was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. Betty is to blame for it all. Whatever I am or have accomplished, I owe to Betty. I ain't got no sense. My wife made me what I am. In other words -- local girl makes good in the city -- makes good man.

We cuss Congress, and we joke about 'em, but they are all good fellows at heart, and if they wasn't in Congress, why, they would be doing something else against us that might be even worse.

George Washington was quite a farmer. He was a farmer, Civil Engineer and gentleman. He made enough at civil engineering to indulge in both the other luxuries.

You see, in Washington they have these bodies, Senate and the House of Representatives. That is for the convenience of the visitors. If there is nothing funny happening in one, there is sure to be in the other, and in case one body passes a good bill, why, the other can see it in time and kill it.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

I was born on Nov. 4, which is election day ... my birthday has made more men and sent more back to honest work than any other days in the year.