1,171 Quotes by Will Rogers

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!

We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by

Here is my Farm Relief bill: Every time a Southerner plants nothing on his farm but cotton year after year, and the Northerner nothing but wheat or corn, why, take a hammer and hit him twice right between the eyes. You may dent your hammer, but it will do more real good than all the bills you can pass in a year.

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Don't wait to buy land, Buy land and wait. Find out where the people are going and buy the land before they get there.

Our financial ills will never be settled till you fix it so every man will pay an income tax on what he earns, be it a farm, grocery store or municipal or government bonds.

There comes Coolidge and does nothing and retires a hero, not only because he hadn't done anything, but because he had done it better than anyone

Real estate is the best investment in the world because it is the only thing they're not making any more.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.