561 Quotes by Zach Braff

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.

I'm really not one to brag, but I think my job is one of the most important things someone can do with their life. I mean, it really gives people a chance to live outside their means through someone else's vision. And I think that's something really great that I can give back to the community. Sure I could be a doctor or a lawyer, but do they really help anyone? Sure you can save someone's life, but can you really change it for the better? I'm not saying their jobs aren't important, just not as important as mine.

You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the special Olympics. Obviously I would win without contest, but the point is that they are trying their best.

They all saw my short films, and I think that changed their opinion of me as just a guy on a sitcom because they liked my movie.

It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.

This movie's really about someone who's opening up a new chapter in their life.