204 Quotes by Zach Galifianakis

You know you’re getting fat when your socks don’t fit.

My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don’t really do a character thing in stand-up. It’s just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.

I was just thinking how unfortunate it’d be to be a fat girl named Candy.

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says “Forever.”

I’ll never forget my grandmother’s last words. She said ‘What are you doing?’

I haven’t been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in ’92.

I know my face is turning red. I don’t want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It’s rage. The color of my face is rage.

I’m writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It’s called: Stop Staring at Me!

It’s fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don’t play on emotion too much.