Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.

(Imitating a Belarus citizen commenting on their national flag) Stupid National Anthem....Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit

I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.

Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.

There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.