Like the time JTC sent me an invitation to MaryEllen Marini’s costume party, which might have been okay if I was actually invited to her party, and it had been a costume party.

We have big department stores like Bloomingdale’s and Saks Fifth Avenue. It’s like this place ate those stores and a carnival. Is there anything it doesn’t have?

Fine, the Drama Police called, and they said maybe I’m not a goner, but I won’t get a tart, which is pretty much the same thing. My blood sugar is low.

I’d heard people order coffee drinks whose names went on for half an hour . . . A double mocha joka jerky over ice with a peppermint twist and a Kansas City pickle on the side.

This is bril. I can’t wait to shop. Very bril.” Okay, maybe one too many “brils,” but it was progress.

Finn made a gurgling noise from his throat that didn’t sound exactly like choking, but then again, I’d never seen anyone being poisoned before. I was standing over him, ready to do CPR, when I noticed that he wasn’t choking; he was laughing.

VIP?” Ellie asked. “Ha-ha-ha! I said ‘pee’!

I pictured myself falling off and getting trampled to death. Caroline would be beyond embarrassed, but I wouldn’t care because I’d be dead, and Ellie would have her fill of blood and guts until the sequel to Bloodsucking Zombies was released.

Quel Dommage!” That was “bummer” in French, or maybe “too bad,” or “scrambled eggs.