Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.