This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays

At some distance down the corridor it seemed suddenly as if somebody started to beat on a bass drum.He listened to it for a few seconds and realized that it was just his heart beating.He listened for a few seconds more and realized that it wasn’t his heart beating, it was somebody down the corridor beating on a bass drum.

Laser light flickered all over him as if he was a packet of biscuits at a super-market check-out.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.