A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.