Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.