A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

Dachshund: A half-a-dog high and a dog-and-a-half long.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.

It is more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents.

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.