Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

Freedom of press is limited to those who own one.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness room to develop