Before she climbed into the car, I kindly let her know my back seats were very hard and very cold. Dead Eye Red responded, “Son, when I was your age, I would sit on a seat like this and smoke would appear!”Somewhat surprised and tickled, I said, “Ma'am, no one will ever look under your car to see if it’s washed.” I really should have known better before I opened my big fat mouth. She said, “Son, no one is looking at my butt, but I wash it anyway!

The teacher pulled out a pile of papers. They were Bennie’s tests and homework assignments. Mrs. Lewis said, “Ma’am, here is the proof that Bennie isn’t up to a fourth grade level. He has an F on several of these assignments. In fact, a zero grade is too high for some of Bennie’s work this last year.

One other thing—she was always armed. Ossie May talked about her gun even more than she bragged about her cooking. Out of nowhere, she took me to the gun range. She finished one clip with her right hand then unloaded the other clip with her left hand. I certainly got the message. She was not to be messed with or messed over. I was scared straight by this woman.

Thanksgiving is no time for amateur hour in the kitchen, but we were subjected to this Gong Show on a yearly basis. Aunt Kathy went knee deep in her preparations where others would have surrendered.