I hate it when people say somebody has a ""speech impediment"", even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call it a ""speech improvement"", and I go up to the guy and say, ""Hey, Bob, I like your speech improvement."" I think this makes him feel better.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

Instead of having ""answers"" on a math test, they should just call them ""impressions,"" and if you got a different ""impression,"" so what, can't we all be brothers?

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.