It’s not really wine,” he said. “It’s Diet Coke. And if anyone ever serves you brown wine with a foamy head, send it back.

Can you put your hands on my crotch?”“Why, hell no, I cannot.” I didn’t remember anything like this happening in Pride and Prejudice.

Boys don’t gossip.”“Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.”This was a disturbing prospect.

I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them.

Oh.” My dad actually looked sheepish. “It’s one o’clock in the morning and I was going to tell you to shut the monkey up and go to bed. I didn’t realise what was going on in here.”“What’s going on in here?” Cameron asked suspiciously.“Maturity.” My dad backed out of the room and closed the door.

Who’s driving the boat?”Over the motor, I heard girls screaming at us the instant before we crashed.

But first I had to get through the ironing. It took a lot of patience. I had none. It took forever, and then I had to press the whole shirt again to get out the creases I’d pressed into it.

I had shaved my beard for her-a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber.