I have never learned how to tell somebody something good about myself; that should be a secret they must find out .

Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.

People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.

…you either do or do not have a comedy mind, whatever that is, maybe a heightened sense of the ridiculous and the absurdity of life…We are all crazy and crazed.