I mean, we're ninjas.""Well maybe you're a ninja," I said"You're just a really loud, awkward ninja," Margo said, "but we are both ninjas.

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!

He flipped himself onto his side and kissed me. "You're so hot," I said, my hand still on his leg. "I'm starting to think you have an amputee fetish," he answered, still kissing me. I laughed."I have an Augustus Waters fetish," I explained.

I wish I knew how to quit you, Tumblr.

pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!

Nerd life is just so much better than regular life.

Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?

Daddy is trying really fugging hard to think of a not-terrifying reason why you'd wake Daddy up in the middle of the night to ask that fugging question. But no. No. Daddy does not have a match or a lighter.

Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared.