Patience is a virtue," she replies."Why couldn't 'hurry the fuck up' be a virtue?

Are you even listening to yourself right now? You sound like you’re from the nineteen hundreds, not the two thousands." I pointed at the bed. "That thing has been laid straight more times than should be possible, but she managed it somehow; since she could sink the Titanic between her thighs, and still have room. Not to mention that they have this marvelous invention called a condom, and thank fucking Christ for that, since it prevents that troll from touching my baby making treasure.

Who the fuck calls their priest when their son is having a crisis?""I do, now shut up!" Ma answered.

What’s wrong with you?” John asks suspiciously. I give him a ‘what chu talkin’ ‘bout Willis?’ look and he explains. “You just woke up.” I nod. “Walked into the kitchen.” Once again I nod, not seeing what the big deal is. “And didn’t rip apart the cabinets like a rabid squirrel looking like coffee.” I shrug at that, I didn’t even remember it. “What the fuck have you done with my best friend?

What’s wrong with you?” John asks suspiciously. I give him a ‘what chu talkin’ ‘bout Willis?’ look and he explains. “You just woke up.” I nod. “Walked into the kitchen.” Once again I nod, not seeing what the big deal is. “And didn’t rip apart the cabinets like a rabid squirrel looking for coffee.” I shrug at that, I didn’t even remember it. “What the fuck have you done with my best friend?

You were supposed to be my wingman, not my freaking kamikaze pilot.

You do know you’re a woman, right?” I ask.“Are you sure?” Olivia asks with an astonished face. “I thought I had a penis.

My god, I sound like a chick. I must be suffering the debilitating condition called DIC, Dick In Charge, since obviously he's running the show right now.

Fucking morning people, they just don’t understand what it a chore it is for us normal people to not want to leave our warm beds and face the miserable sun.