I even pulled out the can of cat treats. Yes, I’d bought him treats. Give it another month and I’d be collecting his shed whiskers and claws like a proud momma preserving her baby’s first haircut and lost teeth.

Don’t give me that look,” I told the cat. “You’ve caught one mouse since you’ve been here. And what do you get in return? Food, shelter, and a human servant to clean up your shit. You didn’t even warn me when someone was at the door.” “Because his sixth sense tells him I can be trusted.” “Then his sixth sense is broken.

Also, the killing of small animals is the entrance ramp onto the serial killer superhighway. Damn. I bet the cat knows that. He picked me because I can't hurt him, or I'd be fulfilling my biological destiny. So I'm screwed. The cat stays. Unless you'll kill him...How does fifty bucks sound?

I’ll keep it in my bedside drawer, in case I’m woken in the middle of the night and mistake the cat for an intruder. An honest accident.” “You’re not shooting the cat. It would leave a mess.

I'd seriously contemplated a real collar - a sparkly green one - if only because I was sure it would offend his dignity.

So do all animals react that way to you? I know you said rats steer clear." "Most do. They see a human, but they smell someting else. It confuses them. Canines are the worst, though." He paused. "No, cats are the worst. I really don't like cats." I laughed.