You will respect my authori-tah!' Oberon said, in a passable imitation of Eric Cartman. I reminded him that I needed to concentrate. Sometimes dogs forget; they just get too excited.

Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves.No, they’re not dwarfs either.Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me.

You don't even know if she really likes you, Oberon said as we exited and I unlocked my bike. She could be doing her customer service routine and stringing you along in hopes of a big tip the next time you come in. With dogs you just go up and smell their asses and you know where you stand, it's so much easier. Why can't humans do that?

That’s what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside.” Oberon said.

[I don't get it. You guys look down on chimps for flinging their own poo but you think it's fine to fling other kinds of poo around? I mean, you get opposable thumbs and this is what you do with them?]

Are you going to kick somebody’s ass?I don’t know. Maybe.Well, I’m not going to worry. I’ve watched you spar with that martial arts dummy in the backyard lots of times, and you always win.Thanks, buddy. I’ll see you soon.

That’s what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside.” "I’ve run into some of those at the dog park," Oberon said. "They’re usually attached to Chihuahuas.

Out, out, thou strumpet Fortune!" I cried with all the venom of Charlton Heston. Oberon asked."It's a Shakespearean word for whore."

Dude. If that was a Shakespearean quote duel, he just kicked your ass.