The point of the list wasn't just to tick items off and forget about them, it was to learn something new.

You haven't been fired," Mary said with a sigh. "You always jump to the worst possible conclusion. Why on earth would you be getting fired?"Don't say the pens, don't say the pens, don't say the pens . . ."I've nicked loads of pens.""I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.

It is an undisputed truth of the modern age that there are now only two kinds of people in the world: people who call and people who text.

But sometimes there's a difference between being needed and being taken advantage of.

Getting married means you've won, and I hate thinking like that, I do, but let's be honest, that's just how it is. Until you're married, you're a loser, NO MATTER HOW GREAT YOU ARE AT EVERYTHING ELSE. In our super progressive, equal right, modern society, it's the one thing no one wants to say but everyone is thinking, however messed-up it is.

When in doubt, always compliment a woman's eyeliner application.